Water Pistol
by Seska1729
Summary: In which Calvin has a companion, Amy is complaining about something along the lines of "Mels, not again," and a sarcastic tiger almost gets them killed. AU of Holiday by infinimato.
1. Come Along, Pond Pt 0

"It's my transmogrifier," Calvin stated, proudly. "It converts one kind of animal into another."

"You mean, like a frog into a rabbit?" the little girl asked, peering at the box curiously. Calvin thought she talked funny.

"Or a person into a dinosaur!" Calvin responded. "And don't touch it! It's mine!" He looked over at the currently complaining tiger sitting next to him. "Sorry, Hobbes, I meant, mine and Hobbes'."

"Bah," said the girl. "I bet the Doctor could turn anyone into anything. He doesn't need a silly old box."

"I think I know you from somewhere!" Calvin declared.

"But this isn't just any doctor. This is **the** Doctor," the little girl said, stomping her foot. "But you don't know about the Doctor, because **you're stupid.**"

Calvin fought the urge to slap his head. "So that's where I know you from..." he muttered.

"Calvin, WHAT?"

Calvin simply outstretched his hand. "Come along, Pond!"


	2. Come Along, Pond Pt 1

Calvin showed his new companion over to his place. And by that, we mean his bunker/safehouse.

"So, how did you know who I was, anyway?" Melody asked.

"Time is, well, timey-wimey. I met your future self sometime in my past. Anyway, how does the Jurassic era sound?"

Suddenly, Melody's phone began to rang.

"Who is that?"

Melody groaned. "It's Mum."

* * *

><p>"Hi, Amy."<p>

"Hello." Amelia Pond paused. "Do I hear sirens in the background?"

"Uh, yeah."

"Mels, not again..."

A faint voice with an American accent. "Wait, did she just ask about the sirens?"

"Long story, Calvin."

"Mels, who are you talking to?"

"Calvin."

"Calvin... who?"

"Just meet me at 7429 Tioga St, Pittsburgh, PA 15208, USA."

"Alr-"

"You know what? I'll pick you up."

* * *

><p>Amy exited her home. Right then, a rupture opened in spacetime, and a cardboard box came out with three occupants.<p>

Mels, a 14-year-old with spiky blonde hair, and... a stuffed tiger.

The kid looked confused for a second, then facepalmed, pressed a button, and the stuffed tiger instantly doubled in size, turning into the form of a bipedal Bengal tiger.

Amy blinked. (Probably a bad idea when dealing with time travel, but she was pretty certain no Weeping Angels were in the box.)

"Come on in," Calvin said. "Oh, and put these on," handing Amy a pair of normal-looking goggles.

"What are these for?"

"Vortex goggles. Unlike more sophisticated Gallifreyan equipment, the Time Machine doesn't have a vortex filter. These protect you."


	3. Come Along, Pond Pt 2

On the exterior, Calvin's bunker/safehouse looked like an abandoned building across from a school in a not-too-friendly section of Pittsburgh.

On the interior, however, it was a well-polished metal structure. Amy swore she saw a time rotor in there somewhere.

"Why did you set up here?" she asked.

Calvin pointed across to the school. "There was Slitheen activity in that school over there. The closer, the easier to grab their unused tech and run. Anyway, I have a slightly spacier time machine in here somewhere. One with, as Hobbes frequently complains, 'elbow room.'"

Calvin whipped out a phone. It looked like an Amazon Fire Phone, except in a case that made it twice as thick. Amy assumed the case was for sensors.

"It's downstairs."

Mels pointed at two stairwells. "Which downstairs?"

"Uhhh, 4th basement, east tower."

* * *

><p>"Well, here it is!" Calvin said. "This basement is reserved for a hangar unless I need it for something."<p>

Calvin showed them in. "It's not quite a Type 40, but it does the job well. Before we dematerialize, does anyone have any objections to going to the Jurassic?"

No one did.

"Well, here we go then. Allons-Y!"

* * *

><p>150 million years ago, they materialized in the atmosphere.<p>

"Be warned, it is a bit muggy out there. Also, bright blue plumage with a red mane means _allosaur: run_."

The Type Delta flew over a dinosaur with (you guessed it) bright blue plumage and a red mane. And next to a tyrannosaur.

"Is that a police box?"

* * *

><p>In the aforementioned police box, the Doctor was having a very bad day.<p>

He had just regenerated after Trenzalore. And his TARDIS was being swallowed by a tyrannosaur.

The unmistakable _VWORP_ of the dematerialization sequence.

* * *

><p><em><strong>VWORP. VWORP.<strong>_

"What? What? I didn't do that. Did you?"

Calvin looked at the monitor. "Oh. We're following that tyrannosaur from earlier. How did that get there?"

No one had any idea.

* * *

><p>In Victorian London, a dinosaur fell from the sky.<p>

"Come on, out of the way. Move yourself, please. Coming through. That's it. Excuse me, sir.

"Madame Vastra, thank God. I'll wager you've not seen anything like this before."

"Well, not since I was a little girl," Vastra replied.

"Big fella, isn't he?" Jenny mused.

"Dinosaurs were mostly this size. I do believe it's a she."

"No, they weren't, I've seen fossils."

"I was there."

The policeman stared. "Well, that's all well and good, but what's this dinosaur fellow doing in the Thames?"

"Time travel," Vastra shouted reflexively.

"Must have been something it ate."

* * *

><p>Accompanied by some strong cursing, Calvin jerked out of the Time Vortex.<p>

Calvin looked out the door. "London." He bent down to lick a tower they flew over. "1890s. Ugh, I'm never licking a metal roof again."

"Uh, we're crashing," Mels pointed out.

* * *

><p>"Place these at 20-metre intervals around the dinosaur. They're sonic lanterns; they should make it stay there," Vastra instructed.<p>

And that was the moment when the dinosaur retched out a blue 1960s police box.


End file.
